Crisis of Faith

13 Comments

Today was one of the worst raids I’ve had in my entire raiding career. It’s a new raiding group and I was all full of hope that I had finally found the group that fit what I was looking for. Instead, here I am at the end of the day, many tissues later, seriously considering just giving up and walking away from it all.

It was progression on Megaera. I had done my homework, and was actually looking forward to the fight with a good bit of confidence. Hell, I even practiced my cooldowns in LFR. Then came the attempts one after the other as folks got used to the raid mechanics. The tank damage was high, and the early attempts were only with two healers rather than three.

It became clear early on that things were tough on the healing front, especially with two healers. The strategy was to alternate between the red head and the green head, and ignore the blue one. And the stress began to show on the get-shit-done type of raid lead. And then came the shitshow for me.

I hymned right after the fifth rampage, and got yelled at by my fellow healer (who also called the shots on raid cooldowns and such). The raid died and instantly on vent came the yell of how I shouldn’t be hymning at that point. And then it just all went downhill from there – even with a third healer.

Every little thing I did or didn’t do went under the glass. Everything was micromanaged – when to hymn, when to use a potion. I had to hymn early so there wouldn’t be as much of a healing loss when I channeled. Why was I discipline? What about a holy offspec? In our discussions prior to raid, it was agreed that holy wasn’t really needed. But, as the other healer put it, he couldn’t research my class for me. I was fail for not knowing better.

This went on for five hours. Five effing hours. And despite me maximising my cooldowns and mana, every little error got called out on. It finally began to get to me at the end of five hours – my hands were shaking and I began to make mistakes that I didn’t make in the earlier attempts. Two hours after the official raid end time, I apologised and stepped out.

I went back and looked it up. Was holy really somehow way more awesome than discipline on that fight? Turns out it wasn’t – and some priests on How to Priest had the same question that I did. Was my hps obnoxiously low for the fight? The logs didn’t show that. I later talked to a priest healing friend of mine who killed Megaera – when did she use her hymn? Towards the tail end. How did she deal with the last Acid Rain right before the final Rampage? Their leader wove in a Blue head into their kill order so the healers didnt have to deal with a ridiculous amount of spike damage right before the critical Rampage. Well that made sense – why couldn’t one of our million attempts tried to tweak the raid strategy instead? Or was playing the blame game simply that important?

And that’s just what upset me. It wasn’t about working together today – it was about watching the healing go to shit and blaming the other healer to look good for yourself. And that’s not all, it was about railing on the healer for things that weren’t necessarily legitimate concerns. And at some point today, I was just tired….I had a shitty morning, and I hit a low. How did I end up with my weekend mornings in a place like this? What did I do wrong – what did I miss – what did I just not get that I ended up being in an atmosphere like this?

Whatever today was, it killed healing for me. It turned what I do with love and care into something the one guy decided to use to make life miserable for me. How is any of this worth a boss kill?

Today was the first weekend of raiding – and if this is how things get under pressure, then it’s probably not the place for me. But at this point, I’m really not sure if there is a place for me WoW. I don’t want to heal, and I don’t want to log on. My attempts to find a raid group in the last 6 months seems to swing between two extremes: either the folks who wanted to go in with greens, or the obnoxious yelling kinds of people who like to make life living hell for everyone.

Where in this picture would I want to log in, and subject myself to that all over again. Why should I even bother healing.

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13 thoughts on “Crisis of Faith

  1. I had a similar experience a while ago. An awful raid night, spent all wiping on one boss. The tank started to whisper me about how I was healing because he was was the first to die a few times. It left me feeling like I just wanted to walk away, from that toon, that raid, that guild for a while.
    I have a lot invested there. My boyfriend started to play so we can have something to do together while I am at school. And that’s mostly what stayed my hand. The guild is pretty laid back, with nice people. One bad night shouldn’t kill that for me.
    I haven’t had the struggle of looking for a good raid group for as long as you’ve been. I’ve been frustrated by the lack of progress a bit- we only started HoF a week after 5.2 dropped. I’d like to hope that there are good people playing WoW, and you’ll find a good group soon.

    • I’m sorry you went through something similar. I feel exactly how you felt then – wanting to walk away from the toon, from healing, and the guild.

      I suppose one of the reasons I’m seriously considering walking away as opposed to sticking around is that I don’t have a lot invested in the guild or the people here yet. I’ve been here a week, and that awful raid was the first weekend of raiding for a new group.

      Given how the last six months have been for me, I’m not really in the market for sticking around a while and changing people, the guild and how they do things. If it works, great but if it’s not the place for me then it’s just not the place for me. And if it starts out bad, then I don’t want to stick around with the same experience for the next month or so hoping it will get better.

  2. OH Saya 😦
    I wondered, with this Easter weekend, what this post was about when I saw the title. It is so hard when the fun in raiding gets sucked out by the blame game. I always admire your healing posts, thinking what an awesome healer you are, much more awesome then me, but I never thought you had to go through this to get there 😦
    Big hugs and I think you’re awesome! You’re my healing hero anyday 🙂

    • Navi – all I can say is a big thank you. I’m sure that you’re just as awesome a healer as I am, if not better. I can’t really describe it enough here, but I’m truly touched that you’d consider me your healing hero. Big hugs.

  3. A true test of a raid team’s mettle are how it holds together on a full night of wiping.

    There are too many raid leaders out there that lack true leadership qualities. They go and watch Tankspot videos and think their raid should work the same way, regardless of composition or gear levels. They don’t know how to think outside the box and tweak the raid to reduce error and get the best chance of success. Often, they believe they are the best player on the team and that the team is holding them back from greater success. They measure themselves against what the top guilds are doing on wowprogress, and they always come up short.

    There are however many raid leaders out there that are quality leaders. Many raid teams put together from people who can wipe for 3-4 hours to a boss and not get at each others throats. People who are professional and courteous even when playing a video game. My raid team is such a team. We wiped for 2 days to tortos before finally killing him. We got frustrated, yes, but the blame game didn’t happen. It was all just tweaks to try to figure out what gave us the best chance to win. And we finally did get it, and we were happy. We don’t care about our relative position on WoW progress because we just look ahead to the next challenge before us. But mostly, we enjoy each others company, and we’re having fun doing the best we can with what we have.

    If the team weren’t full and already running 2 healing priests (1 disc, 1 holy, and sometimes we run double disc for atonement 😉 ) I would be more than happy to let you experience this type of raid. But I’m posting this to let you know that if you enjoy wow, and if you enjoy healing, there are raids out there that won’t be full of jerks. It may take time to find one, or you may simply just have to start one. Who knows, but it does happen and there are some great raid teams out there.

    As a suggestion, I would never join a raid that goes for more than 4 hours at a stint. 3 hours is ideal. I say this because people simply get tired. My team goes for 3 hours with a 10 minute “stand up and walk around so you don’t get DVT” in the middle. I find that stepping away helps refresh the raid and often times when we come back we have better attempts. I also find that when we quit and come back the next day, people have had time to digest what happened and refocus. 4 hours is pushing it, 5 hours becomes fatigue, even if you are one shotting boss after boss, 5 hours in a raiding environment is taxing on anyone’s concentration. Unless you’re gunning for world firsts, there’s no real reason for it.

    I don’t know, I just hate hearing someone considering throwing in the towel over a bad raid experience when I know there are great raid experiences out there to be had. Its just too bad that there are many teams out there like the one you just experienced where people get at each other’s throats so quickly and nitpick everything someone does, especially if they are new to the raid, everything they do gets magnified. All I can say is I know there are great teams out there where someone such as yourself would have a wonderful time, I just wish you luck in finding it and hope you don’t give up over this experience.

  4. You shouldn’t go through that again. Just because you’re in a “hardcore” group does not mean members of your raid can start playing the blame game. A lot of things went wrong with the situation: micromanaging rather than understanding raid mechanics, breathing down one players neck rather than trying a different strategy, chain pulling attempts without breaks, going two hours past the official raid end, and generally not being a fun group who wants to work together and each step up. Kudos to you for sticking through it an extra two hours– that took guts and also it was good of you to call it; honestly the raid leader should have done that earlier and taken a breather to figure out the mechanics at the end that were impossible. And yes, had they swapped in a blue head it would have been doable. But red and then green, well, that’s just ignorant of the raid comp, cooldowns available, and how the fight works with progressively stacking dmg. You did some amazing heals (I know, I was there watching!) and frankly a situation where you are asked to carry the raid is going to burn you out and it’s no surprise that it did. You’re human not a healbot!

    That particular encounter is a trap for bad raid leaders. They get to 10% health or 1% health left on Megaera and think they can just push through it. You can’t push through the stacked damage at the last head and extra stacks of dmg from venom spit. It’s just not possible without over-gearing, the math doesn’t add up, and you can be a great healer but you can’t be a miracle worker (especially if it’s just two of you!). It’s too bad nobody else in the raid tried to be constructive and offer different strategies. That approach the Raid Leader is taking is just going to burn you out again, or the DPS (when it’s the DPS that they try and push), or the tanks when the tanks are pushed past their limit. Sometimes execution of a strategy needs to be tweaked: the strategy is hitting a mechanic that will wipe those without understanding of it, which happened for your group and unfortunately the dynamic didn’t adjust to this wall. Ironically, slowing down and taking your time on this boss with extra healers, blue heads, and being aware of what is going on at the last two heads would have worked better than yelling at a healer to carry them through it.

    That’s horrible raid leading, and you stood up to the challenge and pushed yourself as far as you could go. That’s pretty amazing that you stood up in that intense environment for five hours, but yes, why would you want to do that again without appreciation, without comradeship, without flexibility in trying different mechanics out. Scheduling another 4 hour raid of “let’s DPS moar!”, “let’s heal moar!”, or “tank harder, nubs!” sounds like a shit way to spend a weekend. This isn’t boot camp. The nuance of the fight is gone, and that dumbed-down “push harder!” progression isn’t worth the badmouthing and bullshitting, and frankly it’s just not fun, and the whole point of this is to have fun and overcome challenges. At that point, I’d rather be with a PuG who understand the mechanics and are courteous and are either playing an alt or filling in a spot missing from their raid, which is saying a lot about how bad that morning was for you.

  5. Your healing notes are great. I’m sure you are a much better healer than I could ever be. What you need to remember is rarely does one person make or break downing a boss, especially during a 4 hour attempt. Its a lot of things combined. If you are staying alive and the tanks are staying alive then time to look elsewhere for tweaking. If the group you are with can’t do that and want to focus on just you, pfft that is their problem.

    WoW is about having a good time, not being the best or downing the most bosses the fastest. If you are not having fun, then you need a different group of people. You might even try a guild that is just starting to raid and be the hero for them. Guild Soma (A) on Magtheridon is looking for heals for second raid group. Its a young group of people, highschool and college age mostly.

    Wow is probably the best mmo around. All the others are better in some ways but the overall experience seems best in Wow. Don’t let a bad raid or group of people ruin it for you.

  6. Did you get your attempts on world of logs? It doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong but maybe the community can see how the raid can improve mechanics wise what we won’t be able to help you with is attitude wise.

    Those comments burn people out of wanting to play wow also ia mistake would have been if it was discussed beforehand and you failed to execute the agreed strategy to go in blindly and not do what the other person wanted you to do when he wanted you to do it ….. well you are not psychic and this strategies have to be discussed debated and agreed upon before the pull.

    don’t let yourself be trampled by this “more experienced” healer that has already admited doesn’t know your class.

    either stand up to this healer (backed up with data) or start looking for another raid group.

    • We did supposedly log the attempts – although I could only manage to find the final three attempts uploaded by the raid leader. I think it’s a good lesson learned for me to start running my own logs.

      I agree that things could be helped mechanics-wise but it’s really more the attitude that upset me. And it’s partly the entire atmosphere of the raid and the blame game being an accepted part of it all.

      In those circumstances, I’m not sure that standing up to this healer would do any good. And I’m going to have trouble looking for a new raid group this soon because there’s nothing to say it isn’t going to be exactly the same – lovely on the outside, rotten at the core. It might just be time for me to step away.

      • it seems simple at least to me

        are you having fun with your current raid group? if no just say thanks to the raid leader but that the group is not what you are looking for

        don’t do it right away first start looking for another guild that

        1) is doing content that you want & are ready to do if it’s heroic forgotten depths or lfr with guildies doesn’t matter as long as it’s the content you want to do.

        2 ) is looking for your role (there are some that will even pay your transer…. or so iv’e heard)

        3) are people that have fun raiding good atmosphere

        it’s ok to even be guildless it gives you freedom to join any raid that is looking for your role
        go with them get to know them if both click bam you have a new home to be happy in 🙂

      • It really is unfortunate that you had such an experience; overbearing raid leaders really are the worst. The decision of leaving or staying depends on a few things. Did you actually confront the raid leader and voice your concerns over his leading style? If the leader is oblivious to the fact that he’s being overly critical, lack of communication helps nobody. I’m not sure if the entire raiding group was new, or if you were just joining an existing one. In either case, there’s always going to be a period of induction where people are getting used to each other. I think the best option is to talk with the leader about the issue and see his reaction to it. If he becomes hostile or defensive, it’s clearly not a person you want to call a leader, and you should probably think about finding another raid group.

        In terms of calling out the flaws of other heals, that’s just not productive at all. I think you mentioned you started out with two healers and later went to three. What were the other two healers doing while you hymned? There a few instances where the action of a single person wipes the raid…unless it’s a mechanic issue. You not healing for ~6 seconds would not have caused the raid to instantly die. People also need awareness to their own health and the situation at hand in respect to personal damage reduction cool downs and healthstones; too many times dps just tunnel without noticing they are at 60% health and 3 poison globs are about to hit successively.

        I agree that healing cool downs need to be managed properly, but things like mana tide, hymn of hope, and potions should be at the discretion of the user. It should be up to the user to determine whether or not (s)he needs mana, if the current period can allow for channeling a spell or potion, and who will benefit from the channel the most.

        In terms of the fight specifically, Megaera is a healing check more than anything depending on the strategy you use. We also use the GR strategy, much to the dismay of healers. This strategy results in the highest amount of damage going out. Unless you are either insanely geared or talented, you should use 3 healers for it. Using the GR strategy, the 6th head killing period is probably the most stressful. Several poison globs hit in succession, bringing health down dangerously low. Coupled with increased cinders rate and damage, if you aren’t fast on healing or dispelling, one tick could be fatal. I think you probably should have hymned before the fifth rampage, or even at the start of the fifth rampage if you you had a strong healing cool down covering it.

        As for holy vs discipline, I can see the merits of both holy and discipline using GR. Holy offers a very strong cool down for a rampage phase and lightspring is strong during killing phases, especially during the later ones. Holy also has stronger aoe healing, and with the constant damage, echo of light is less likely to overheal. It really would depend on the healing composition. A healing cooldown and normal heals is enough to get through any rampage, without the need for spirit shell. On our first kill, our discipline priest spirit shelled four of the rampages and then saved spirit shell for the killing phases. Weaker healing cool downs like ascendance and tree of life work well during these phases.

        Sorry for randomly getting into the fight. 5 hours, you’re a trooper. I get tired after 2.5. The best advice I can give is talk to the leader and see what he says. If he apologizes or actually discusses the problems with you, I would stay maybe one or two more raids and see if he still acts the same way. Good luck with your adventures though and don’t stress about it. Having fun is the whole point of this game.

  7. I know a raid team who would love you – and they seem like great guys. Not sure if they filled the spot yet or not – drop me an email when you can. No one should put up with that level of abuse in any situation: that would be considered a hostile work environment, and shows immaturity and amateurish abilities. It wasn’t you. It was, indeed, them.

  8. Thanks for this post. I just two days ago went though the same situaiton and this helped me feel better lol. They were a raiding party named Decendants. They were looking for a priest heals and had one before and that person they said was too “Slow” to respond in the group so they kicked her and asked me to try…I said sure..I want to raid 10 mans but its getting really annoying just trying to get a group together. The people trying to do the 10 mans seem to not like the “Challenge” of it all and just want top ilvl geared indiviudals that are perfect mechanics and robots all the time and its just not like that.

    The raid was trying to do the same boss. I am slightly undergeared for it, ilvl 498. Everyone in raid party was over 500. People were dieing full helath to zero in one hit. That is not a healers issue. A healer can not save a person being killed with one massive hit of dmg. But the other healers were blaming me right away. They never gave me a chance to work out new rotations or different methoids of rotating my abilities. On recount i had lower percentages but of course , my percentages would be lower trying to heal people that had ilvl of 500+ and i was only 498.

    I did my best to but was riddled about how i was not putting enough heals out.., if i was using lightspring vs. lightwell..what my rotations are..since i was the new healer it was all my fault. Honestly, looking back, there were to many chiefs in that raid..the resto druid healing in that party was uber snotty and annoying – thinking they knew it all and thought they were the best. I have a resto healer, and honestly i held my tounge but resto healing is a lot easier then a holy priest – one, all your main heals are very quickly delievered and you dont have as many combos to worry about..and hardly ever run out of mana no matter what on my resto….but they came down on me hard. Looking back, they were doing the raid Right… I have done the raid in LFR. I was so tired i got out and said forget it. They were not doing The GR they were doing GB. I think GR is the better way. I died a few times from other peoples mistakes but i never complained because like you I believe in the HUMAN aspects of the game and would rather work hard and wipe a few times with a good fun group then get hammered and conquer the boss at hand in one shot. I felt like quiting that momement. And that night even lost a bit of heart for healing even though i love healing its my fav role in the game.

    I agree with you completely. I invested a lot in this game…but would like to see better attitudes toward people honestly trying and not play a blame game but use smarts and figure a way better so it can all work out. It is called Team work. I have a life outside of this game and i do research and stuff but life comes first and i just wish raiders were not so rude toward new people attemtping to put forth the effort to become better within the game and help others be able to conqure 10 mans instead of using it as a ego boost and push those that are not trained in them down so much. The people that know the game took time and learnt it..its not like they are “better” then anyone else..they just have more experince. Nothing more. They are not smarter, they are not better gammers..they have just had the opporutinity to run the 10 man and learn it.

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