Today was one of the worst raids I’ve had in my entire raiding career. It’s a new raiding group and I was all full of hope that I had finally found the group that fit what I was looking for. Instead, here I am at the end of the day, many tissues later, seriously considering just giving up and walking away from it all.
It was progression on Megaera. I had done my homework, and was actually looking forward to the fight with a good bit of confidence. Hell, I even practiced my cooldowns in LFR. Then came the attempts one after the other as folks got used to the raid mechanics. The tank damage was high, and the early attempts were only with two healers rather than three.
It became clear early on that things were tough on the healing front, especially with two healers. The strategy was to alternate between the red head and the green head, and ignore the blue one. And the stress began to show on the get-shit-done type of raid lead. And then came the shitshow for me.
I hymned right after the fifth rampage, and got yelled at by my fellow healer (who also called the shots on raid cooldowns and such). The raid died and instantly on vent came the yell of how I shouldn’t be hymning at that point. And then it just all went downhill from there – even with a third healer.
Every little thing I did or didn’t do went under the glass. Everything was micromanaged – when to hymn, when to use a potion. I had to hymn early so there wouldn’t be as much of a healing loss when I channeled. Why was I discipline? What about a holy offspec? In our discussions prior to raid, it was agreed that holy wasn’t really needed. But, as the other healer put it, he couldn’t research my class for me. I was fail for not knowing better.
This went on for five hours. Five effing hours. And despite me maximising my cooldowns and mana, every little error got called out on. It finally began to get to me at the end of five hours – my hands were shaking and I began to make mistakes that I didn’t make in the earlier attempts. Two hours after the official raid end time, I apologised and stepped out.
I went back and looked it up. Was holy really somehow way more awesome than discipline on that fight? Turns out it wasn’t – and some priests on How to Priest had the same question that I did. Was my hps obnoxiously low for the fight? The logs didn’t show that. I later talked to a priest healing friend of mine who killed Megaera – when did she use her hymn? Towards the tail end. How did she deal with the last Acid Rain right before the final Rampage? Their leader wove in a Blue head into their kill order so the healers didnt have to deal with a ridiculous amount of spike damage right before the critical Rampage. Well that made sense – why couldn’t one of our million attempts tried to tweak the raid strategy instead? Or was playing the blame game simply that important?
And that’s just what upset me. It wasn’t about working together today – it was about watching the healing go to shit and blaming the other healer to look good for yourself. And that’s not all, it was about railing on the healer for things that weren’t necessarily legitimate concerns. And at some point today, I was just tired….I had a shitty morning, and I hit a low. How did I end up with my weekend mornings in a place like this? What did I do wrong – what did I miss – what did I just not get that I ended up being in an atmosphere like this?
Whatever today was, it killed healing for me. It turned what I do with love and care into something the one guy decided to use to make life miserable for me. How is any of this worth a boss kill?
Today was the first weekend of raiding – and if this is how things get under pressure, then it’s probably not the place for me. But at this point, I’m really not sure if there is a place for me WoW. I don’t want to heal, and I don’t want to log on. My attempts to find a raid group in the last 6 months seems to swing between two extremes: either the folks who wanted to go in with greens, or the obnoxious yelling kinds of people who like to make life living hell for everyone.
Where in this picture would I want to log in, and subject myself to that all over again. Why should I even bother healing.